Take A Chance, Play with Fire

“He’s a player."
"Artificial hopes."
"Don’t be hooked."
"He’s like tasting various foods."
"It’s only for his entertainment.”

Some of my best friends keep telling me about that. The air also does the same. And my eyes are healthy enough to see the truth. Yes, they’re right, I know it, and I believe them, because I see it. And the most important thing is, some of my best friends are his “ex-toys” or you may say, “victims”.

I don’t know what’s in his mind. Did he realize while doing that? He hurt them. They told me how they feel. I saw them cry, physically or emotionally. Looking that made me felt pain too. I don’t want them to be hurt. I love them. And it made my curiosity increased. I wonder what’s in his mind, what made he did that. Does he have any problem?

I believe that every action has a reason and I’m sure whatever he did must be caused of problems that built his character into like this, a player. You know, I feel like a dog digging the ground trying to find hidden bones. I want to know what the matter behind all of this is. It’s like he hides something big. Wait, no, he hides something massive, I think. And I try to find out. But all the results are just empty holes, no bones. I can’t figure it out. He closes it so tight and so deep. Introvert. And all left is just his suspicious eyes, eyes full of intention. Just that, not more, not less.

However, I realized about all of these things when he came to me. I didn’t realize from the beginning. And the worst thing is, I wouldn’t realize if my best friend didn’t tell me about that. How indifferent I am.

They warned me. Actually I’m not really sure to some of them, did they really try to warn me or they had another aim. But, let’s say that they tried to warn me, in many “different ways” – that bothered me a lot. I know, I should be careful to him. Thank you for reminding me. But I’m bewitched. Yes, he is too bewitching. His charm just burst out like that. I’m sorry my best friends, it’s not that I don’t wanna hear you. I’m just too late to dodge, to avoid it. No, maybe, I cannot dodge and avoid it. It seems like that he knows the way to my heart, or to every girl’s heart.

Wait, I give myself a chance to consider..

Well, instead of all those bad things, he has a lot of resemblance to me. His taste of fun is almost the same like mine. His family, what he did and does, what he thinks, and many other, are almost the same like mine. I feel comfort when I’m with him. We can’t stop talking and laughing. There are always many things to talk about together. He touches me in a different way. He touches not only my hand, hair, or head, but also my heart. Every touch makes my skin, mind, and heart tremble. Strange, what feeling is this? But, I can’t deny that I like this feeling. I want it again. I want it more.
He can do everything for us. I mean, for our relationship. When I get mad, he knows how to bring my smile back. When I could not get my mother’s permission to have a date with him, he valiantly asked for it to her. Guess what, he got it.

From his entire attitudes towards me, I can see that he is serious to me. Some of my best friends also have the same thought.

Now, I don’t know what to say.

Maybe, I worry too much. I’m too afraid that he may break my heart or hurt me just like what he has done to other girls. I just can’t believe that he will be a perfect match for me.

Maybe, I’m stupid for letting him in, getting his own entertainment, and at the end he will left me high and dry. Those kind things he did to me are just his tricks and I will be the most stupid girl because I didn’t mind my best friends warning and let him trap me.

He has walked too deep into my life.

I think over and over…

Finally, I decide to take a chance, play with fire.

I fall for him. I let my heart love him. I let my mind think about him every time.

I fall for him. I let him take my heart. I let him touch me again and again, or even hug me and kiss me.

Why? Because we are in a relationship now.

I try to believe him even I have to look into his suspicious eyes. If at the end I have to feel pain because of broken heart, it’s my risk. You won’t know how wonderful is sweet unless you taste bitter.