Since my Mom has gone, I hate loneliness so much, especially
when I’m having my PMS (Pra Menstrual Syndrome). I used to have a physical PMS, not the emotional one. It’s such a
fluctuation of hormones in my body, but you should believe me, this one hurts
so much. I can just cry by a simple sad thing or by remembering my Mom. I write the blue feelings here.
I still feel close to Mom, it feels like yesterday. Time
flies, it’s almost 6 months. It means that it is also almost her birthday. I
remember last year in these days I was thinking what gift to give to Mom. I was
so happy just to buy nice things for Mom. I couldn’t wait till the day come. I
had prepared everything well, I wrapped her gift sweetly with a letter inside
it. I decided to buy mom a new lipstick because she was always proud with one
of her expensive lipstick that had been bought about 10 years ago. She was
funny, she was proud for simple unnecessary thing. That makes Mom sometimes
funny to me.
This month, I look at the calendar and see her name on the
box of 24. I feel sad. So do my sister. There are no more gifts to be thought
about, to be brought, to be wrapped, and to be given. No more moment to be
waited, such as to see her surprised, laugh, pretending not knowing, and other
unexpected things.
...
So, I cry, cry so hard.
Ps. you may think that I am too melancholic or weak. It’s okay.
We had lived together for about 19 years, the last 10 years we spent just for both of us in a roof. How can I not feel losing her?
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