Hari ini dia menelponku karena ada keperluan untuk membicarakan tentang suatu ilmu keuangan. Aku senang dia memulai inisiatif untuk menelpon ini. Rasanya tidak mungkin jika aku yang terus menerus menelponnya, aku seperti pengganggu saja jika selalu aku yang menelponnya. Sebagai perempuan tentu sudah secara alami senang didekati, bukan sebagai pihak yang mendekati. Oh, kembali ke telepon hari ini, kukira telepon hari ini akan memperbaiki beberapa hal yang kemarin terjadi (kemarin kami juga bertengkar karena masalah komunikasi). Dia menjelaskan kepadaku tentang ilmu keuangan tersebut, agak berjarak antara informasi satu dengan lainnya, sehingga banyak pertanyaan yang kuajukan, yang membuat dia menjadi agak gusar. Di akhir telepon dia seperti agak jengkel, karena ada pertanyaan yang kuulang, padahal aku sudah mengerti, hanya saja banyak bertanya. Aku menjadi sedih, apakah aku sebodoh itu? (Ini yang membuat aku ingin memukulkan kepalaku ke tembok tadi.) Mengapa tidak ada kasih sama sekali dalam proses dia menjelaskan ilmu keuangan tersebut? Apakah dia benar-benar mengasihiku? Sungguh aku takut jika aku menikahi orang yang salah dalam kehidupan agama katolik ini. Bagaimana nanti jika dia harus mengajari sang buah hati? Apakah akan seperti itu juga, marah-marah? Aku takut.
Kisah Sebuah Pembuluh Balik
Tentang hidup, mimpi, cinta, dan harapan.
Monday, May 11, 2020
Nobody Genuinely Loves Me
Hari ini dia menelponku karena ada keperluan untuk membicarakan tentang suatu ilmu keuangan. Aku senang dia memulai inisiatif untuk menelpon ini. Rasanya tidak mungkin jika aku yang terus menerus menelponnya, aku seperti pengganggu saja jika selalu aku yang menelponnya. Sebagai perempuan tentu sudah secara alami senang didekati, bukan sebagai pihak yang mendekati. Oh, kembali ke telepon hari ini, kukira telepon hari ini akan memperbaiki beberapa hal yang kemarin terjadi (kemarin kami juga bertengkar karena masalah komunikasi). Dia menjelaskan kepadaku tentang ilmu keuangan tersebut, agak berjarak antara informasi satu dengan lainnya, sehingga banyak pertanyaan yang kuajukan, yang membuat dia menjadi agak gusar. Di akhir telepon dia seperti agak jengkel, karena ada pertanyaan yang kuulang, padahal aku sudah mengerti, hanya saja banyak bertanya. Aku menjadi sedih, apakah aku sebodoh itu? (Ini yang membuat aku ingin memukulkan kepalaku ke tembok tadi.) Mengapa tidak ada kasih sama sekali dalam proses dia menjelaskan ilmu keuangan tersebut? Apakah dia benar-benar mengasihiku? Sungguh aku takut jika aku menikahi orang yang salah dalam kehidupan agama katolik ini. Bagaimana nanti jika dia harus mengajari sang buah hati? Apakah akan seperti itu juga, marah-marah? Aku takut.
Monday, February 10, 2020
My Loneliness
Saturday, February 7, 2015
The Rest of Your Life is Not More Than A Half of A4 Paper
24 hours is the time you get everyday for free.
70 years is an approximately age that you might have.
Now tear away the past time, the one which you can't do anything to change.
I have lived for 20 years. So I tear the part from 0 to 20.
It will become like this. Yours might be different.
Of course you need time to sleep.You have to tear another part away.
I sleep about 7 hours everyday from 22.00 to 06.00. So I tear these 2 green boxes below.
Remember to always have enough time to sleep and healthy lifestyle or your 70 years may be shorter.
Finally, you will have the clear real space of the rest of your time in life to make things. It will be the white square. Cut your precious white square. Compare it to the first paper you have for your whole life.
See, your paper on the right side is even more smaller than you've ever thought.
It's not more than a half of A4 paper.
This pictures you how much time you have for the rest of your life. It is not much.
Now is the time for you to decide who you want to be, what kind of person you want people to see in you?
The time left for you to pursue your dreams is so little.
All you have to do is just do, do , and keep doing.
Just talk less and do more. This is what people mean when they say, "Life is too short."
"Life is too short for complaining, arguing, or even pretending.
Just enjoy and cherish every moment and things you get.
Always believe that each thing has a bright side. And so are you."
Ps. Thanks a lot to my beloved sister. She taught me this when I was down. What a precious lesson.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Love Is About Letting Go
When you love someone, you tend to have him/her by your side to spend time together and keep caring each other. Having a joyful moment with people you love becomes an important thing. You do not want to lose them at all.
There is a saying, "Love is about letting go." I did not believe it. How can you love someone when you do not have them around you? It seems like that nature tries to teach me about that. I passed through hard times to understand and to feel the meaning of that saying.
When I was not letting go, I watched Mom cried in pain. She suffered a lot and that made me sad. I wanted it to stop so Mom would not suffer at all. Begging God for miracles was no longer possible. Then I changed my prayer. I told God to end her suffer. But that means I had to let her go because there was nothing left to do to heal her. It took time. Quite a long time till I told God that I let her go. No longer than that, she passed away. Hearing that gave me pain. I cried for losing her. But I was also relieved cause God heared me, she left the pain and she would not suffer anymore. It has finished. She is happy now. I finally let her go because I love her, I want her to be happy up there.
Another kind of letting go is when I saw my Dad feels happy and complete. He has worked too hard and he needs someone to take care of him. It was sad to see him live in a loneliness. He found someone but it was hard for me to see that she would replace Mom. Later I realized that Dad seemed to be so happy being with her. I was also happy seeing that. There would be someone to take care of him, to cook, and to give him love there. It was so nice to see him happy like that because I love him. So I let him go with her.
Now, what have you learned about letting go? Have you ever let go someone you love? It sure will cost pain but the pain will go as you see the one you love feels happy.
If you truly love someone, you will do anything just to see them happy, even letting go.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Always Love Somebody as There is No Tomorrow
Terakhir kali aku bergalau saat Mendiang Mamiku berulangtahun tepat 6 bulan setelah kepergiannya. Kali ini aku kembali bergalau setelah kehilangan dirimu. Hmm, mungkin salah, lebih tepat bila kukatakan setelah aku memutuskan untuk melepaskan dirimu.